Bush: Super Bowl Loser's State to Invade Winner's State

George Bush today noted that America has a “unique opportunity” because the Super Bowl competitors, the Indianapolis Colts and Chicago Bears, are located in states that share a common border.

“Emotions are running high in both Indiana and Illinois. They have been enemies in the past and continue to be enemies,” Bush said at a meeting of GOP leaders. He continued, “I must protect America from enemies. Today I announce plans for federalizing the National Guard of whichever state loses, and using it to launch a long-needed invasion of whichever state wins. Go Bears.”